forty five

Thank you for the incredibly kind messages yesterday. I was truly touched by your words of love & remembering my birthday. Thank you for making my day sweet and full of love.

This birthday held a beautiful sacredness as I remembered so many things that the Lord has done. Thank you for being such a special part of my life and journey. 

To be honest as this birthday approached this year I had such joy and hope... the Lord has done so many things that I am truly speechless... but then something extremely painful happened in December and I admit that at first I forgot all of the miracles from before and I dreaded this birthday... because with crushing words that had been written over my story a few months ago that I was "too old"... I started to believe those lies...that I was "too old" for dreams the Lord has given me and dreams that He has written on my heart...until...the beautiful gift of love had gently and tenderly covered the hurt with truth, love, grace, and hope. 

So this birthday I once again learned a sacred truth... be very careful about who is speaking into the deepest parts of your life with their words and to cling to the truth. As I worked through forgiveness and started to heal I was gently reminded of this and that was a very sacred gift. Everyday your words are preaching something into your life- lifegiving or not...and this reminded me to preach truth to myself and to those around me. 

"Everyday you preach to yourself a gospel of your loneliness, inability, and lack of resources or you faithfully preach to yourself the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ."

 -Paul David Tripp-

And so this birthday was the most beautiful and sacred gift...

To the birthday yesterday that 12 years ago (2013) I was told I would most likely not live to see because I was diagnosed with Advanced Late Stage Lyme Disease & Cancer ... yesterday brought a deep gratitude that words can’t express... 

To the birthday yesterday that 11 years ago (2014) I was told that in addition to the above two diseases I was also fighting three other complicated health issues & looking at several organs shutting down & my oxygen levels were dangerously low... yesterday breathing fresh air outside while I walked in the morning and jumped in puddles marveling the beauty and freedom outside a hospital brought gratitude with tears... 

To the birthday yesterday that 10 years ago (2015) I spent in an ER due to complications from treatment... yesterday brought simple gratitude that I was not in treatment or in the hospital... 

To the birthday yesterday that 9 years ago (2016) when I found out that I had a serious blood clot due to my PICC line & it had to be removed immediately... today I am grateful for all that #niccthepic did to help me get to yesterday... 

To the birthday yesterday that 7 years ago (2018) when I was once again told I would never see 40 years old or older because I needed emergency surgery because I was most likely facing an additional aggressive form of Cancer ...it is beautiful to be here Cancer free and healthy. 

And to the birthday yesterday. ..the 45th ….that I was told I would “never see” and that I was "too old"...I am so glad that I didn’t believe what so many “experts” said or allow the words of someone to write a different story...because you, my 45th birthday have been fought for very hard for through blood, sweat, & tears that only those who with hope understand the miracles... 

I so wish my daddy could have been here...he & my precious mom would speak truth & life into each fear & tell me how wonderful it was going to be to meet another birthday...and to dream of the years and decades to come...and here we are... my mom yesterday with tears of miracles and those yet to come written deep in our hearts...

So my dear 45th birthday... I am so glad to meet you...to start a beautiful new year & adventure to believe with hope of abundantly good things coming this year...and to continue to live in a speechless gratitude of every single day I am given. You, dear birthday yesterday and everyday are a priceless gift.

"Bold power and glorious majesty are wrapped around her as she laughs with JOY over the latter days."
//Proverbs 31:25//