twelve years

This beautiful space, Caravan Sonnet, turns "12 years old" today. 

It is hard to believe that it was 12 Years ago today that I wrote my very first post which tenderly makes me smile- so many things have changed and yet so many things have sweetly changed. You can read it HERE! I am sitting here absolutely speechless that we are now at 12 years...

12 years of growing, learning, and sharing...

12 years of perseverance, dedication, and hard work..

.12 years of pushing through despite severe illnesses ...

but mostly 12 years of becoming and 12 years of humbly connecting with this beautiful and faithful community of love and support. 

Since I started writing on this little space in January 2013, the world of blogging (or as I affectionately call it), "bloggy world" has changed significantly. At the time in 2013 many blogs that I followed and connected with were writing to share their personal lives with readers... a way to connect outside the world that we each lived in. Everyday stories mixed with some practical tips and ideas about how to live fully abounded and it was a sweet time to join "bloggy world". In the midst of so many amazing bloggers and authors who were pouring their hearts out I felt immediately embraced into the "blogging club" and think back to precious friendships (that have sweetly continued from those days) and those early days often. 

For me personally I started this blog as a way to reach out from beyond my bedridden existence at the time (due to illness) and as a simple way to keep friends, family, and loved ones informed of what was going on with my confusing health story (which ironically was only going to get more complicated in the months and years to come). When I started writing in January 2013 I had no idea that I was dealing with Advanced Late Stage Lyme Disease, Skin Cancer, or a myriad of other complicated and serious health issues. 

At the time I started there were no other chronic illness bloggers nor were there people talking and documenting their health journey's. I often felt a bit out of place, especially in those early months of starting when I was still desperately searching for clear answers on my health. 

In a twist of irony, I didn't even really write about my health issues on the blog (except for some very general terms) until March 25th, 2013- in very brief details. At the time I did so only because there was a rumor going around that I had Cancer and wasn't sharing my diagnosis out of concern for my former students. At that time I was still a full month away from my diagnosis of Skin Cancer and was not aware of that component of my health journey.

I recently spent some time re-reading back through those first few months of the blog. I remember beyond my words that I was writing with tears behind the scenes, curled up in bed, slowly and painfully typing letter by letter a post, the extreme daily pain that I was in, the intense stomach issues that left me spending any free time away from my bed curled up on the bathroom floor, the lack of support from the medical community, the inability to walk without help, the questions, the confusion, the questions in my faith, the loss of friends and independence, the fear, the unknown, and a desperate yearning to reach out and to grab life despite all of these things. 

At the same time there was a beauty to that time period that is impossible to explain unless you have walked through a complete crisis in your life. The complete resoluteness of knowing what you believe, why you believe it, and knowing that despite all circumstantial evidence to the contrary your faith remains in tact. That you can say without hesitancy ... "and if not... he is still good". It is a coming to the end of yourself... the end of what you envision for your life to be and coming to a peace and acceptance of the ways and walls of God. 

This has been a road that I never would have asked to walk. Yes, there was and still are deep questions about the future with certain areas of my health and there is a deep sadness after "losing" so many precious years to Advanced Late Stage Lyme Disease and other health issues. 

I recently have had to really examine this term again due to a very personal situation. So I am placing the word "losing" in parentheses because in the past month I have realized once again that while I used to think that I had lost my thirties (what some have called "the best years of your life") nothing is lost when it is in the hands of our all loving God. And how do you determine the "best years of your life?? Is it a certain age or decade? Or is it the gentle confidence that your life is not defined by age, but by the loving God who knows the hairs on my head and has ordained the best years...what I am living right now.

I think back to what I wrote in 2013 about learning to be faithful in this new assignment of sickness... and what I have learned is that God has been faithful despite all of my times of unfaithfulness. 

The story... I have learned is not about me... but is once again about Him. Some have asked what this looks like for this new season- and how my health is... and I am overwhelmingly grateful for my stable health which just continues to improve day after day and year after year. Are there somethings that after nearly a decade of intense treatment followed by extreme grief and loss that I am working on? Yes. But am I Lyme free, Cancer Free, and healthy beyond what doctors said would ever be impossible (not including the fact that some of the most well known medical clinics said I would never live to see 40)? 

Tearfully yes. 

As this blog has changed and morphed into the global influencer brand, shops, and blog I often- on a daily basis- am humbled and grateful for your love and blessing and support along the way.

 Over the course of these last twelve years I have grown as a woman. 

It is not only in the outward areas of writing books, running the shops- Caravan Sonnet Shoppe, December Caravan and others, speaking to audiences around the world, and so many other things...but in the deeper aspects of life-by processing in this space through a variety of topics that include life, faith, and love, grief, and loss. 

I don't think that you can write vulnerably, deeply, and passionately in a space for seven years and it not change you. Being sick and fighting for my life has taught me to go beyond the surface and to understand a persons story - their history and who they are and the journey that has brought them to the place in life where our lives are intersecting.

The same is true for this place on the blog- and how I share about travel experiences -the history and the story behind a place and a building- the stories here are significant too. In many ways it feels like the blog is coming into a new season in a deep full circle way. Some people say this type of blogging has gone away but I see every single day that it is very much alive in beautiful ways if you have the courage to share vulnerably your story.

As I move forward friends into this twelfth year here on the blog I just want to take time to say thank you again for following along, for joining this community, and for all of your love and support over these last twelve years. 

Y'all leave me speechless with gratitude.

This community has been a huge blessing and built into my life in rich and deep ways. Thank you so much to the brands and press that have partnered with Caravan Sonnet and to the brands and press that will be partnering in the days and months and years ahead! Thank you friends- I can't wait to continue this journey with you and see what beautiful new adventures and days and blessings will meet us in this new year. 

THANK YOU for a beautiful 12 years...Here's to many many more...the best days and years is the one today and the ones to come!