If you are just starting to read these posts and are wondering why I am doing something as a "first" for each day of the year, you can read more of the story and background HERE.
*A note to my California friends- this subject of this first deals with mentions of oil and fire so this may be a post to skip for right now. Our thoughts and prayers are with each of you. I am so so sorry you are walking through this unimaginable loss*
Day Three// Learn a skill for something to fix in the house on my own
Cost: Varies
One of the things that I wanted to do as a first this year was to learn a skill to be able to fix something on my own in the house instead of always relying on needing to call someone. As background I am just going to be very upfront and honest and say that my dad was my hero and would do everything for "his girls". This included "small things" like pumping our gas for the car, to big things of handling all of the maintenance issues at the house and cabin to making major decisions about appliances in the house (after of course talking things through).
I always knew that this was a gift, but to be honest, working through the grief of losing my precious dad 5 years ago I have realized it even more deeply. My dad constantly was serving us, and as I got sick and moved home I became completely reliant on my parents care. My dad went out of his way to make sure that the only thing I ever needed to worry about or focus on was getting better and taking care of myself.
After my dad died though I realized how little I knew about somethings that resulted in me needing to always call a repair man or hire someone for help. Walking through the extreme grief I was just functioning, but as I have continued to heal, I really wanted to learn a skill for something to fix in the house on my own. For me I suspected that this was going to feel emotional so I wrote it in to do "sometime" this year.
Well "sometime" arrived a lot sooner than I expected when I our heater went out very early in the morning on Christmas day...and it was freezing out. We thankfully had some small space heaters that we were able to use and due to the area that we live there is only one person that came highly recommended (and trained properly) to fix the type of heater that we have in the home. When we connected after Christmas he was incredibly kind and over the phone offered to walk me through the steps to try to attempt to fix it on my own.
I remembered that I wanted to learn something new but I decided that combustible oil and fire was not something that I wanted to even touch. *smiles* So he was able to fit us into his schedule a few days later and when he came I unknowingly was about to learn a new skill.
As he fixed our heater he talked through exactly what he was doing and explained (in very layman's terms) the steps that he was doing. Less than a 1/2 hour later he had the heater fixed, some different filters cleaned and new ones placed and then offered to go downstairs to our fuel tank to check and clean that filter. We obviously agreed and then when he said to me, "if you would like to learn how to change this filter it would save you money for me coming back out in the future and you can easily learn how to do it". I was a bit nervous but said, "sure" and less than 30 minutes later I had learned how to not only turn the fuel on and off but to clean the filter and change it at the fuel tank.
Now I just wrote that like it was a simple process, but for me it wasn't. I have always had a bit of a fear of fires (thanks to a 1st grade movie our school showed during fire prevention week of a girl getting trapped in her home) so a lot of questions for me revolved around saying "is that safe?" or "what if the fuel spills?" or asking (at least 10 times) "are you sure I can't set this on fire"? The kind repair man gently told me many times, "it is okay and you can do this". At one point he said, "I know how hard it is to lose an amazing father but he would be so proud of you." I blinked back tears and by the end felt more confident than I believed possible in this arena.
After he left my mom looked at me and said, "how did that feel learning that"? And I had tears as I said, "really good". We exchanged a soft knowing smile and in the days since I have realized that I look at a variety of different circumstances in the house, car, etc. differently. I can approach the "broken/I have no idea what I am doing" situation not out of a panic and extreme grief that would often arise, but with the confidence that my dad always wanted to instill into his children.
In the days of the start of this year we have had a myriad of a few other house issues, including a leaky pipe, an issue with the dishwasher, an issue with the washer and dryer, and an issue with the car. I have to be honest. A year ago, well - even a few months ago... I probably would have been near tears at the thought of dealing with these situations feeling not only the weight of trying to figure out how to afford fixing them, but missing my dad even more.
Since learning the first of learning a new skill for something to fix in the house on my own I have approached each situation differently. I have looked up on youtube for some practical suggestions, talked with my physical therapist who once mentioned that his dad could fix anything for a suggestion, talked with our auto shop about the problem to see if they had a cheap solution and stopped by our local auto shop for a suggestion on something else. Each situation (thankfully) has been an easy repair and something that after someone walked me through it and taught me I have been able to do. (The car repair will need to be done in a couple of months which also gives time to save up for that.)
These situations have actually gently put a bandaid on some of my grief with losing my dad also. In a strange way that is very difficult to explain I know that my dad would be cheering me on the loudest and celebrating with me that I am doing these things and moving forward. What has also been interesting is that after gathering information and talking it through with my mom we sometimes have said, "wait, I think dad would do it this way or dad once said" and it brings a big smile to our faces.
I was so well loved by an incredible dad... and this first has gently reminded me of that in the most tender and profound ways.
And so when I was creating a list of all of the firsts for the year, I had planned to do this first "sometime" throughout the year. Y'all, I am so glad that our heater went out and forced this to happen at the very beginning of the year. I never thought I would ever say that, but it has gently given me the greatest gift for this year... a confidence to fix more things and learn how to do somethings that I just didn't think I could do (around the house or elsewhere) or call a very good repair person *smiles*.
Tips for Creating Your Own First Related to This:
*Ask a local repair person if you can "hire them" to teach you a skill (you may be surprised that many will teach you for free!)
*Ask a friend, co-worker, acquaintance, church member, community volunteer group member, etc. who is excellent at a house skill that you have always to learn if they would be willing to give you a basic lesson
*Call a local home repair store, hardware store, Lowe's, Home Depot, etc. to see if they have any classes that they offer to learn a new home repair skill
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