the 12th anniversary

If you read my October 25th post from last year or the year before or you know me well you know that October 25th is a very special day to me. It holds incredible meaning and significance as 12 years ago I had a life-changing surgery that changed the course of my life and this was the day that the Lord healed me after doctors told me that there was "nothing" that they could do. (You can read more of my story with my battle with Endometriosis HERE!)

I shared three years ago the different ways I have celebrated this anniversary over the years. While some of these days and moments have been photographed over the years, many of them have not. The precious memories that my mind remembers today are of sacred moments of telling my story to my students over the years as I testified about the Lord's mighty healing power, the laughter between family and friends, the precious phone calls and texts from friends who prayed for the miracle to happen and never stopped believing, my sister calling to celebrate with me, long walks thanking the Lord on year two, and the quiet celebration in my heart every time I see the calendar approaching this special day when doctors said there was "no hope" and yet the Lord spoke differently. 

As I think about year twelve today I have been met with a mixture of emotions. Extreme gratitude and thankfulness and tears at the Lord's mighty healing power and a humble gratitude that even though over the years I have wondered why the Lord hasn't chosen to heal me the same way in this health situation (a question that I think so many people have asked behind the scenes (and some of the brave have cried with me))... I am now seeing healing slowly and surely take place in new ways. 

I recently received another email from the same reader that I shared about three years ago. This reader wanted to know if my response to their question from three years ago would be any different as I am turning another year on the calendar date. (You can read the original question and response HERE and my thoughts from two years ago HERE.)

As I told this reader, it's really not. I don't know why healing hasn't come in such a "mighty and easy way" this time and why it is a long and slow healing process. I really don't. What I do know though is that I have a choice every single day on whether or not to trust the Lord and walk in this trust over my feelings or spend precious energy questioning things. I choose to trust. I choose to trust the difficult and unknown path before me is the path that the Lord has me on. Where I might think I am better used or life would be better is not where the Lord has me. I humbly trust that "and if not He is still good" to all of my questions, all of my deepest hearts longing... and that is enough for today. Circumstances, if we let them can be refining windows into our hearts shining a light on what we believe. The "and if not" parts of life...even if I am never healed, never see my dreams come true, or if the secret longings that are deep inside of me never happen ...it is okay. It doesn't change who God is or His goodness.

 I promise, readers that despite any circumstances God's goodness is NOT changed. I can attest in new ways and in more marvelous ways then I could years ago. And as I celebrate this 12th anniversary I am brought to my knees by God's goodness. His faithfulness astounds me and His mercies meet each new day. 

Surrendering to God's goodness comes the opportunity to fall more in love with Jesus and who He is and what the Bible states and promises. NOT what I want it to state or promise but what it actually states and promises. And this 12 year anniversary is incredibly significant to me - especially as this Lyme journey continues on. 

Did you know that the number 12 in the Bible holds special significance? There are 187 references to the number 12 in the Bible. In the old testament we see that there were 12 sons of Jacob and those 12 sons formed the 12 tribes of Israel. In the New Testament we see that Jesus was 12 years old when he was questioned at the temple and that He had 12 disciples. There is a clear significance to this special number in scripture. 

*smiles* Okay, so you might be asking what does this have to do with me celebrating my 12 year anniversary and why are they significant to me? 

First, scripture is completely true - every single word holds unique and special importance. Thinking through the specific ways that the number 12 is used in both the Old and New Testament reminds me that this is a unique and special anniversary to be celebrating.

Second, our all powerful God shows His complete power by offering eternal life through Jesus and His death on the cross. In this act of unmeasurable love we not only are given the opportunity to accept Jesus as our Lord and be saved but on the cross Jesus conquered EVERYTHING. Including illness. EVERYTHING was conquered on the cross. 

Third, Jesus speaks to us through scripture and knowing this I have a choice to make... every single day... I can choose to act in faith and trust the Lord completely or I can respond to my circumstances sinfully and grow bitter and angry at the ways of the Lord. 

There is absolutely no question in my mind of my choice. 

Even on the days that I feel discouraged I choose to run to my precious Heavenly Father and lay everything at His feet. The reality is that this anniversary shouts to me in the dark and reminds me of God's ultimate power and who He is. And friends, as I spend more time with the Lord and continue to run to Him with all of my questions, fears, disappointments, hurts, and every other emotion He lovingly speaks to my hurting heart. And I am reminded on this 11th anniversary of His incredible grace, His good gifts, His undeserving ways, and the gift of love that He gives. 

And the best gift of all? Is the gift that the this 12th anniversary serves as a beautiful reminder that the Lord offers not only beauty, but incredible hope. Hope of a future that the Lord has in store... Hope of beautiful healing here on earth or in Heaven... Hope of living joyfully despite difficult circumstances... Hope of a loving God who loves us abundantly... and Hope of celebrating another 12 year healing in the future...

healing from Lyme Disease and all of its complications.