update on treatment round #4

I wanted to take a moment to say thank you so much for all of your sweet words and kind encouragement this past week as I asked for prayer due to an infection that I have been fighting. It has been a very long week with very intense pain and I have struggled to keep food and liquids in due to the infection and a small reaction to the medication that I need to take for the infection. 

On Thursday and Friday I spoke with my main medical team and on Friday it was decided that another medication would be added into the mix for this infection. I added this on Friday evening but unfortunately had a reaction to it but thankfully not a severe one. At this point I do feel some small improvement but still definitely have an infection and I appreciate your continued prayers. As with everything with Lyme Disease when you have something like this happen it can affect lots of different areas and for me these meds (especially the oral ones) has been playing havoc on my digestive system and causing lots of issues and I am unfortunately dealing with symptoms that I haven't had in years due to the fragile healing state my body is in.

I have been a mixture of emotions these past few days, mostly struggling with the fact that just a short time ago I was able to do so much more and now I find myself spending more time resting and recovering again. I have struggled with dealing with intense pain again as I have gotten used to not having that be a constant in my life anymore and something that I don't miss. And mostly I have struggled with the fact that it seems just as we start to move forward with a new treatment round "something always happens".  I was crying and complaining about this to several people in the last few days and while everyone listened kindly and patiently reminding me that this won't last forever, I admit that I still struggled to see what good of a purpose this newest delay that has caused so much pain and sickness could possibly bring. 

As I went to pick up the refills for the meds that I have to be on (most normal people would be on them for 7-10 days but I will be on them for about two more weeks) my pharmacist (I truly believe who was trying to be kind) said, "WOW. Really? A couple of more weeks of this? That is rough I would have thought you would be feeling better by now like most people do."  To which I promptly started to cry.

It is easy to get lost in the world of "what if" or comparison and think that we deserve our life and our circumstances to go a certain way. I find myself guilty of this a lot - more often than I care to admit. Oh, I hide it well, but behind the scenes it is a struggle. It can be easy to think that if I had someone else's life or struggles that would be so much easier than my own. But I am learning an ancient and old lesson again and again this week- trusting the Lord when we don't see the the outcome or what we are hoping for most in front of us. Trusting in His love and His mercy and His faithfulness in every step.

When I was teaching years ago I had a Bible verse up on the front of my classroom which is from the Psalms that says, "Those who are wise will see in our History the faithful love of the Lord". And so I turn back to History and see the amazing faithful love of God throughout scripture and throughout my own personal life and even this journey. Never once has He abandoned me and never once will He. 

This treatment round is starting off very differently than I had planned and won't slow down. Starting Monday I will be adding in a couple of additional meds to help keep fighting Lyme and while I may have tears I am at peace. Slowly and surely I am healing (I even see this in BIG ways this Christmas season despite the pain) and I see everyday the faithful love of the Lord who carries me in the darkest of days. 

Thank you again for all of your love, support, and prayers for this season, for this infection, and for this treatment round. I love this picture at the top of the post that I found on the internet- I wish I could sit down personally with each of you one-on-one and express over coffee my gratitude for your love and prayers. They are such an incredible gift to me- especially in the difficult moments. Thank you dear friends! May our faithful God bless you abundantly for your kindness and compassion.