anew

Happy New Years friends!! This is the third year that I have ever joined in on the "pick a word for the year train". I am honestly not sure why I didn't do this years ago because it is such a lovely and sweet idea. Last year as I prayed about a word for the year 2015 (and chose the word "Mettle") it really allowed me time to focus, think and pray about the coming year. It was the same in 2014, when I chose the word "Valor". 

Over the past few months as I have prayed about 2016, I expected a word to "come immediately" as it has in the past and yet... it didn't. The word was not as "clear cut" to me as the last two years. Perhaps it is because this health journey is much longer than I originally thought it would be or perhaps it is because I have been feeling weary of late, but I as I kept praying over the world for this year, I felt that there could have been 50 different appropriate words. *smiles* 

As I kept seeking the Lord about this coming year, He continued to bring me back to a passage of scripture (Jeremiah 31:2-5) that I felt encompassed all of those 50 words and "themes" that kept coming to mind and could be summed up by an over-arching word: 

Anew Definition:
(1) Once more; again
(2) In a new and different way, form, or manner
(3) In a new or different, typically more positive way.
(4) Once more, again. 

Granted, it is not a word that is "common" or used everyday but the definitions sum up exactly what I pray for for this coming year. This battle for my health continues to be very difficult and demanding and I want to meet this challenge with the hope of what is coming. I want to persevere and yet live fully in this season. As I lean on the Lord's strength to conquer the "unknowns" of what lies ahead with my health, healing, relationships, my professional life, my shop, my writing, and some personal circumstances I can rest fully in the knowledge that His strength is going to give me the joy to face these demanding and difficult situations. Finally, I want to be a good soldier for the Lord in this difficult situation and have the quality of temperament to face the pain of illness, the strength to believe in the impossible, and the lovely peace that comes from trusting a Sovereign God fully without fear.

There are some verses in scripture that I have mentioned here on the blog before that the Lord kept bringing me back to as I prayed through this upcoming year. They have really become "my verses" for this 2016 year:

"The people who survived the wars have found favor in the desert. The LORD appeared to me in a faraway place and said, “I love you with an everlasting love. So I will continue to show you my kindness. Once again I will build you up, and you will be rebuilt, my dear people Israel. Once again you will take your tambourines, and you will go dancing with happy people. Once again you will plant..." 

-Jeremiah 31:2-5-

A lot of time as a young sick gal I find myself facing the truth that I struggle with this season being one of "crumbling". To be honest, it is not a lot of fun. *smiles* The other day I was moaning and complaining to the Lord and saying, "hasn't there been enough pain?" "hasn't there been enough sickness?" "haven't I endured enough on this journey?" And the Lord quietly replied, "My child, I love you. When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you; when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, neither shall the flame scorch you." (Isaiah 43:1) I am humbled by the Lord's love that so graciously puts up with my complaining. How great His love is for His children. BUT... I admit that I have been dealing with some deep grief behind the scenes. Recently I have felt such a tug-of-war about wishing this story was different. I have cried many tears about the deep aching dreams that I see others receiving and living while I struggle to get out of bed some days. My "successes" of the day often revolve around things that would seem small to the rest of the world. I haven't talked about it much on this blog but it has been a death ... a relinquishing of many many dreams on this long journey. There have been many tears that have been spent on this tender subject. Many tears wondering if my greatest dreams of being married and being a mama will come true. Even writing those words and reading them is difficult as I surrender to the Lord.

But I was reading something the other day by Blythe Hunt which encouraged my little weary and broken heart and reminded me of the word that the Lord kept impressing on my heart of this year being "anew". She said:

"But no amount of effort on my part can draw me out of the weariness I feel from this year's grief. No amount of effort can protect me from grief to come in 2016. Working hard to create an improved version of myself... I just don't have the energy for pumping myself up to follow a plan in order to convince myself that I'm not as broken as I feel. Because, friends, I feel quite broken. Yet that doesn't mean I can't live life more intentionally, seeking Grace to understand how God is pursuing and healing my hurting heart. So as I've browsed all these articles on setting new year's resolutions, I've prayed. I've prayed asking God to reveal how I can be more of a Gracemonger. And this is what I've come up with:

(1) Be Still.

(2) Be Loved.

(3) Be Joyful.

(4) Be Kind."

If you are weary from grief or from whatever the season of last year held (or even for what the beginning of this year has held so far!) I pray, that you will join me in looking at this coming year "anew". Let us live, as Blythe said, "seeking grace to understand how God is pursuing and healing our hurting hearts".

"The people who survived the wars have found favor in the desert. The LORD appeared to me in a faraway place and said, “I love you with an everlasting love. So I will continue to show you my kindness. Once again I will build you up, and you will be rebuilt, my dear people Israel. Once again you will take your tambourines, and you will go dancing with happy people. Once again you will plant..." 

The Lord is starting something beautiful anew. 

So that is my "word" for the year friends! Did y'all pick a "word" for this year? I would love to hear about it and what the significance is to you!!

"Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight, at the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more, when he bares his teeth, winter meets its death, and when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again."

 -CS Lewis-