courage and questions in the waiting

Waiting is the hardest anguish isn't it? Waiting on the Lord to answer prayers that you have prayed months and years and sometimes decades to see come to fruition is something that is hard to adequately express in words the emotions that can be felt. Waiting is the difficult anguish of acknowledging my deepest longing and desire is being unfulfilled at present and wrestling with the bewilderment of unanswered prayer. 

Walking in the wilderness of waiting can be like walking on a tightrope of emotions can't it? Through certain circumstances we begin to believe that God is at work at our prayers and are being answered, only to have the circumstance fall apart. One day we receive the call that finally, after two rounds of IVF, it looks like a baby will finally be a reality, only to discover that it has failed again. In one moment we can begin to believe that "perfect" job that we have been praying for is opening up, only later to find that the promotion went to someone else. In one month it appears that love has come to stay as you are being pursued by a man who might be "the one" to only discover silence in the coming months. 

No matter the situation or circumstance, the roller coaster of emotions that accompanies the journey of waiting touches deeply to the core the heart of all who are walking it. I have encountered so many people who grow bitter during this period of life. Bitter that they waited for dreams to come true only to have them dashed. Bitter to discover that God didn't answer prayers in the way that they had dreamed or imagined was possible.

I am learning that waiting requires a tenacity of spirit and faith like nothing else. In their book, "Captivating", John and Staci Eldridge have a beautiful quote regarding the subject of waiting: "Living in true beauty can require much waiting, much time, much tenacity of spirit. We must constantly direct our gazes toward the face of God, even in the presence of longing and sorrow. It is in the waiting that our hearts are enlarged. The waiting does not diminish us... God does not always rescue us out of a painful season. He is after something so much more than our happiness. Much more substantive than our health. He is restoring us and growing us in an eternal weight of glory."

After my last Notes from the Porch update I received an email that caused me to pause and really consider this subject in greater depth. A young woman asked, "I saw that you shared that you saw the Lord give you an answer regarding the reason that you were not approved for disability. My question though is that if God could share that with you, why is He not answering your other prayers and desires? The prayers for healing, for a husband and to be a mama? I don't mean to insult or discourage you but I have found that it is the unanswered prayers that have attacked my faith. Instead of being "carried by the Lord" as you have mentioned often on the blog, I instead have discovered that I have been left alone and abandoned in the waiting." My heart broke for this young woman who has endured so much heartache and who in the wilderness of waiting lost her hope. 

I didn't and don't have a perfect answer. I get it. I really do. I see so many situations that are so sorrowful that my heart breaks for the way that the Lord has chosen to answer is with silence. Instead of miracles abounding there are situations that appear that the Lord has forgotten those who suffer. From friends who are dealing with shattered marriages to children with advanced stages of Cancer, to infertility, to singleness to job loss, to health issues, to deaths of a loved one...life seems incredibly difficult a lot of the time. Where is God in the unanswered prayers? Why does His silence reign when I long for Him to shout down encouragement from Heaven in the form of answered prayers?

But I also see something else. As I look to the Lord and meditate on His word I see Him. See it is in the unanswered prayers that I am learning that God is in each day. It is the unanswered prayers that I am seeing that God is truly in the waiting. It is in the unanswered prayers that I come face to face with who I am and who God is. What if I worshiped a god who granted every single request at the drop of a hat? Would I need a god like that? Or would I only be making this "god" into who I wanted him to be instead of letting him be god? Would I love this god more because he answered all of the things I asked for in the time frame that I wanted? 

And if the answer to that last question is "yes" then I have to face myself and ask what I am looking for truly out of my relationship with Christ. Do I only want someone who answers my requests and gives me everything I want? 

Like it or not, unanswered prayers and the Lord's silence forces me to confront these questions. And if I am brave enough I will face these questions with courage. I might not like what they say about me *smiles*, but the truth is still before me. And the truth, as scripture states, does set us free. Free, to except the hard realities, and free to accept and choose the joy that comes with worshiping and loving a God who is not my own creation, but who is GOD.

As I surrender these questions and my hopes and dreams the Lord grants me the strength and courage to face the day before be with hope, joy, and courage. God is in the waiting friends. He has promised that He will answer and that is enough for today. We don't need a certain place, a certain circumstance to change, or a way to "escape" when things don't happen in a way that we expected or want them to. Instead our courage in the waiting comes from running to the only one who fills our deepest need. Find courage in HIS word, HIS promises, and HIS loving-kindness. 

Several years ago there was a song by John Waller that became quite popular in the movie "Fireproof" entitled, "I'm Waiting". I have loved these words and have been so encouraged by them over the years. I hope and pray it gives you a boost of courage for the waiting friend. Hold on to hope, HE is good and HE will not abandon us.

"I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord

And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord

Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You

While I'm waiting I will worship

While I'm waiting I will not faint

I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord

And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord

Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait

Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You

While I'm waiting I will worship

While I'm waiting I will not faint

I'll be running the race even while I wait

I will move ahead bold and confident

I'll be taking every step in obedience, yeah

While I'm waiting I will serve You

While I'm waiting I will worship

While I'm waiting I will not faint

And I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting"

PS- In September I wrote a follow up to this post entitled, Hurt and Hope in the Waiting which you can find HERE.