Notes from the Porch {four} ~ "I'm doing fine... getting better everyday"

I find myself saying the above when people kindly inquire about how I am feeling. I usually say this with a smile or with a confident tone (if I am talking on the phone)and to be frank sometimes I think that I may be trying to convince myself that I am in fact doing fine and getting better everyday. But in reality I think that while I have improved in some small measures I do know that this journey and battle is far from over. While I am not in the "crisis stage" of last year, there are small crisis' that still arise at least once or twice weekly. I have been able to adjust and not be caught off guard by some of the stranger Lymes symptoms and issues. And I am so thankful for a wonderful doctor (well a team of doctors for the various health issues *smiles*) who is helping me get on the road to recovery. 

Today though I felt the need to explain a little more about what I mean by "I'm doing fine... getting better everyday" because I recognize that for some people who are not as close to our family or in the "tribe" there might appear to be a "seeming" discrepancy between needing additional treatment and yet moving forward with a book contract and some speaking engagements. Due to some questions that we have received in this regard I have decided to be a little bit more "open" in this post about where things are at. {For those of you that know me very well you know that this is really outside of my comfort zone as I am typically a very reserved and private person. I share all of the things below simply to share how appreciative I am of your lovely support during this extremely difficult time.}

It is hard to explain how a "typical" day looks for me. I usually try to "sleep in" in the morning but typically wake up at 4am and then drift off back to sleep around 5:30am to sleep for a couple of more hours. After I wake up I have to lay very still for a while as everyday I wake up exhausted and extremely nauseous. After about 20 minutes I am able to move a tiny bit, take several herbal supplements, use my infrared heating pad,  and then spend time with the Lord. 

After that I force myself to eat some breakfast (as I am never hungry because of the constant nausea) and then proceed to take more vitamins, supplements, and medication. After breakfast if I am feeling well enough I will spend a couple of hours on schoolwork or the book out on the couch. If I am not feeling strong enough I will spend the time in bed writing. If I don't have any doctors appointments in the morning (which is rare) I will spend the morning like this. If I do then I will work on both of these things in the afternoon. In the late morning I will take an additional medication and then it is time for lunch. 

After lunch I take a 1-3 hour nap and then work some more on the book or schoolwork. If I have completed those tasks for the day then I will write for the blog. Somedays are a struggle for me to write and that is why some weeks on the blog I only have a couple of posts. After the nap I also have to take additional supplements and spend some time doing the "hot and cold therapy" which is trying to help my stomach muscles and colon literally "relearn" how to work properly. I start to get incredibly sleepy around 5pm and need alot of help from my family for the evening hours in preparing food, sometimes walking, etc. {It definitely is a team effort and I am so incredibly thankful for them.} 

After dinner I do some other alternative therapies including stretching and more "hot and cold therapy" and then I will "watch" an hour or two of TV with my family while trying to work on some of my Etsy orders. TV, computer time, and noise are extremely limited throughout the day as to much stimulation can be overwhelming to my system and there have been some studies that suggest to much stimulation will impede healing more quickly.  I end the day spending time in more scripture, prayer, and sometimes catching up with dear friends. A couple of more supplements and meds and it is off to try and sleep a little bit. (Sleep is incredibly difficult for Lymes patients so any night that I can get 4 hours of consecutive sleep is a blessing!)

Everyday contains a million different issues that are hard to describe and everyday has a little bit of a different twist. I try to spend at least an hour a day researching about Lymes and alternative treatments and also spend some of my day doing these tips and ideas (i.e.- juicing, etc.) As far as how I feel each day-  at any given moment it is not unusual for me to deal with extreme stomach pain, nausea, headaches, vomiting, gastrointestinal issues, numbness in one of my legs, tingling in one of my arms, difficulty concentrating, shaky feelings, light-headedness, extreme fatigue, extreme sensitivity to light and noise, sensitivity to heat, loss of appetite, extreme inflammation (weight can fluctuate between 5 to 15 pounds from day to day), vision issues, pain in my joints (I was recently diagnosed with arthritis), dizziness and vertigo, heart that races uncontrollably, shortness of breath, etc. Emotionally I often feel like a completely different person then when this journey started. The best way that I can describe how I feel daily is to tell someone to imagine that they have the flu, a migraine, and mono all at the same time and times it by ten. That is how I feel. 

So I share all that to say that I was honestly shocked that I received some surprise emails that I would need additional treatment because everyone has heard me say that "I'm doing fine... getting better everyday" and that I signed a book contract and have been speaking. I was surprised that there seemed to be some confusion about a "dichotomy". Honestly, I think that if people know me at all they know that I like to look at the good in the amazing blessings that the Lord gives me everyday rather than talking all of the time about the above. It may appear that there is a dichotomy but I know that it is the Lord who is showing that in my weakness HE is strong. The Lord provides the strength and the concentration to accomplish the plans He has set forth before me. I spend hours and hours praying about the book and speaking engagements and I am confident that the Lord is the one who is giving me every word because it is in HIS timing. And the other thing that is a complete miracle is that EVERY speaking engagement that I have accepted or attended - the Lord has blessed and anointed with HIS supernatural energy and HIS blessing. TRULY, the promises of the Lord never fail: "And as thy days are, so thy strength shall be". 

When my health first started to crumble and disintegrate and I started to spend more and more hours bedridden and not even able to stand on my own I prayed a prayer that has truly continued to be the prayer of my soul throughout this journey:

Thank you Father, for these my friends and family, and all who read this blog and interact with me everyday. Thank you SO much for these beautiful people, who are so very dear to me. Let my grief in what I wanted my life to look like at this moment, in the things that I miss about "normal life", and the other hidden things in my heart, be mine alone. Anoint my countenance with the oil of joy; that none may ever feel embarrassed to laugh in my presence. May no joke or sharing of the ridiculous or funny be stifled because I am there and suffering. Wrap me in the garment of praise, that I may not burden others with the heaviness of my grief, but may they only see you in your power, goodness and faithfulness to every generation. May my hearts cry resound with "though He slay me, I will trust in Him" for your glory precious Lord.

So while I am doing fine and getting better everyday I understand that I am still a long way from being free from Lymes. I can't thank you enough for all of your support. Thank you for all of your continued prayers and your support of Rebecca's Run, for your daily prayers for strength, and for your prayers for healing. You are such a blessing in my life! If I can encourage you with anything it would be: Follow the Lord. Believe in His promises sweet friends. Hold onto Him. He is soo good. 

EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.