notes from the porch {three} AND an exciting announcement!

I have sat here for a full thirty minutes looking at the screen and I still seem to be at a loss for words. I want to write something to express my humble and grateful thank you for ALL of your lovely support, prayers, and kindness this past week and yet I am not even sure how to adequately do that. So I will just say a simple "thank you" and trust that you know my heart that is so so grateful for each of you.

As I mentioned in my "notes from the porch" (health update) last week I expressed that I had been having some stomach pain that I would appreciate prayer for. It was my assumption that it was simply a reaction to the chelation treatments that I had started. After adjusting the dosage of the chelation treatments I hoped and assumed that this would settle down. Unfortunately on Friday morning things went from bad to worse. I became incredibly sick and when I was still sick on Saturday my dad took me to the Emergency Room. 

After all of the tests were taken we learned that I had contracted a bacterial infection in my gut. We believe this came from some bad food when we have eaten out several times in the last couple of weeks. My dad hadn't felt great either recently, but my immune system simply couldn't handle this and basically collapsed and developed this infection. After being informed of my complicated case details (with the Lymes and Cancer) the ER doctor was very leery to proscribe me an antibiotic due to his concern that it would activate my body fighting those things instead of the specific infection. I was in complete agreement with him on this. While we tried to reach my doctor there were some complications due to a miscommunication and I agreed with the ER doctor that for the moment we should just try to treat the infection symptomatically and obtain an antibiotic from my Lymes doctor on Monday morning. (Now before I receive a ton of emails on this point I just have to say that if you are a chronically ill person you understand exactly why I made this decision. If you aren't it is probably a little difficult to understand but the best way to say this is that there is ALWAYS the fear that Lymes and Cancer patients have of developing further infections. It is such a tightrope balance to press forward with one thing and have to deal with another. Please just trust me that this was the wisest decision that we could have made at the time.) Sunday and Monday were extremely difficult days and unfortunately after having a reaction to one of the drugs that I am on Monday evening (because it should be taken with food and water and I had not been able to keep anything in me for more than 15 minutes) Monday night was the roughest night of my life. We went back to the Emergency Room yesterday for more IV fluids and more anti-nausea meds (through the IV which are stronger) and I was able to have a couple of other doctors appointments also. I am so thankful to report that by yesterday evening I had kept down a couple of bites of food and also some sips of water. As I sit here this morning typing this (from the porch *smiles*) I am also incredibly thankful for all of the prayers that were answered as I slept for six hours straight for the first time in six days. 

PRAISE GOD. 

I appreciate your continued prayers as I heal from this infection and ultimately the Lymes and Cancer. Thank you for ALL of your prayers!

I won't lie to you. While I have left out a lot of details that I don't care to relive and don't want to have my friends read, these past five days have been some of the hardest physically and emotionally that I have had in many many many months. There have been countless tears shed, outbursts of anger and yelling at God, and discouragement at this "one more thing". I admit that I even have said several times, "this just isn't fair". It seems like every time that we make some small steps forward we take HUGE steps backwards. THAT is difficult physically. But emotionally it is sometimes heart-wrenching. This week is not what I envisioned originally sharing with you sweet friends. And to be honest I wrestled with the Lord over the verse that states: "Do not say why were the old days better than these..." (Ecclesiastes 7:10) as I knew that at my former job they were on the high school retreat making wonderful memories and my heart ached to be there. 

AND...

 once again I am learning the ancient truth that the Lord is near to the broken-hearted. As I look back on these five days and could think about all of the impossible difficulties that accompanied each day I  instead think of the incredible mercy that surrounded each moment. I do not have a nice little reason for why the Lord allowed this, but instead realize that we live in a sinful and broken world and sickness is unfortunately apart of that. Yes, I am discouraged that this will set me back in my healing process but no I am not in despair. Even when it seems like our precious God is silent He can be found shouting to us in our pain through a thousand different things if we let our hearts look to Him. Long ago I made the decision that my life was in the Lord's hands and it is at HIS feet that I fall. I yield to HIM everything- and whether that is to suffer, live, or die- my life is in His hands. And oh sweet friends, what a precious place for us to live. There are no regrets there. My eyes are not on my circumstances, but on the living God, who controls every circumstance. I have had the privilege of knowing Jesus as my Lord for twenty-seven years. He has never let me go. While the days may be hard, our precious Lord never promised us "all good days". He has promised me that He would never leave me or forsake me and THAT is what I cling to. If you are going through a dark day my sweet friends, I am so so sorry. May God touch your heart in the precious ways that only He can. 

Sometimes those ways can be completely unexpected. Like receiving a Facebook message from a former student:

Truly a message that not only spoke to my heart, but touched my life beyond belief. When I read it this morning I cried. What a beautiful God-thing. (And I definitely whispered a prayer to have the opportunity to visit at least once FCS this year!)

And other completely unexpected gifts in the middle of this caravan. I am so excited and honored to share with y'all an update on a post that I wrote last month entitled "a season of new dreams". I have a HUGE smile of excitement as I share this exciting news! Last week (before the hospital visits *smiles*) it became OFFICIAL. I signed a book contract! AHH!

I am so honored to be with Tate Publishing and can't wait to share with y'all more exciting news in the days and weeks to come about this new adventure the Lord has me on! 

As I stop writing this post this morning and feel the small cool breeze on this porch grace my face, I am so incredibly grateful for each of you. Thank you so much for your prayers, support, and all of your beautiful comments that are SUCH a blessing. 

May God bless each of you for your kindness. I love y'all!