Notes from the Porch: a humble thank you

It is impossible to express how thankful that I am to be home with my family again! I arrived Saturday afternoon and have enjoyed the quiet simplicity of LOTS of hugs, lots of laughter, lots of talking, and a humble thankfulness of all that the Lord has done in the last month. As I look back and reflect on the time in California I am truly amazed. When I left for California the Lymes had attacked my body to such a degree that I was often bedridden (or couch ridden), could hardly walk down the hall without someones help, rarely left the house, and truly was wasting away without much hope. Like many Lymes patients I had the impending sense that I was dying and often felt that each day brought with it so much challenges that life was incredibly difficult. To be fair to all that have walked this incredibly long journey with me I do want to say that this has not just been something that has occurred over a month or two month time span. Some of you have been walking this journey with me for the past five years as I have been in and out of the hospital with a variety of "strange" illnesses or surgeries, have faithfully covered me in prayer through the HUNDREDS of doctors office visits, have patiently given me love while many friends walked away, and have faithfully loved me during so many aspects of this health journey decline. As I returned home last June for what was supposed to be a brief time of healing no one (myself included) could have guessed what lay in store of this year. As my body and digestive system started to fail me (as one doctor said) I continued to grow more and more lethargic despite the countless attempts to heal my body. The range of symptoms would be so varied each day (pain- shooting, burning, stabbing, muscle deterioration, extreme fatigue, insomnia, extreme abdominal pain, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, anxiety, constipation, muscle deterioration, and the list could continue for a thousand more things). What we know now is that Lymes was slowly killing my body. As I arrived in California, I truly was clinging to a thread.

For many of you that have walked this journey with me you know that these past 12 months have been a time of heart-wrenching tears and cries of the psalmist: "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?"(psalm 22) There were/are so many times that I would think back to my journey with endometriosis and would think of how it had been filled with so many miraculous moments. I questioned why this journey was not that way. There were so many nights that my bed was filled with tears. There were so many days that I questioned what the Lord could possibly be up to. To be truthful the Lord didn't answer those prayers. Instead He promised me that He would never leave me.

As I arrived in California and had so many days alone... days of miraculous moments there were also long stretches and moments of tears, sadness, boredom, and lots of frustration. But in those moments there was the quiet reality of the Lord never abandoning me. Truly... "wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And HOPE. And LIGHT. And... even beauty." (Joni Erickson Tada)

As I arrive home and start the second part of this healing process I feel like a completely new person. Had Lymes not happened I would truly not know the Lord in the way that I do now. For that I am humbled. There is an intimacy that has grown that eclipse words. Physically, I am also humbly thankful for the changes. In three short weeks my energy has improved, my stomach and digestion is allowing me to process a number of different foods, and I do not feel that I am dying anymore. I do understand that I do have a LONG road of healing in front of me (the doctor has estimated at least another two years) but I feel confident that after so many years of going downhill we have laid a foundation to truly start the healing process. As my doctor in California stated, there are going to be hard and long days ahead but the journey is going to be fun. (Ok, that is her words... "fun" might not be my description right now. *smiles*)

Some of you have asked what is next. At home I will continue a lot of different supplements and medications to continue to fight and treat the Lymes. I will also continue oxygen, vitamin c, and acupuncture treatments once a week throughout this summer. On Friday I received some blood work back that showed that my body is not able to handle stronger antibiotics to treat the Lymes at this stage so I will also be working in a number of ways to up the strength of my body. I will be re-tested in a couple of months and then my doctor and I will evaluate what the best course of action is at that point. Because the basal cell cancer that I have was labeled aggressive I will also be attending to a few things in relation to that.

As I start this new part of the journey at home I can not begin to express my gratitude to so many of you that have been so incredibly kind in this journey. To my family I love you so much. Thank you doesn't even begin to cover my thanks. I love y'all so much. Words can't even begin to describe. To dear friends who have walked this journey with me for years and have covered me with hundreds of countless prayers (Michelle, Kaara, Jen, Tammy, Josh, Ben) I am so grateful. Your hundreds of text messages, your kind words, your countless cards, the hours that you have spent before the Lord on my behalf, visits to encourage my heart, countless presents that arrived to encourage my heart, money that you have donated throughout the year to treatments or things that I have needed, and your hope in the Lord that He would answer has left me often times speechless. I am honored to call you friends. You have never claimed to be so but you truly are my heroes. To those of you that have contributed money specifically for California I can't begin to express my humble gratitude. You truly provided the means to help me obtain treatment in California and also tangibly reminded me that the Lord provides everyday. You have reminded me as I walk forard that the Lord will provide again. Thank you Kaara, the Visy family, Donny & Debbie, Adam, Peter, Topher, Dr. Hedberg, Jen & Ryan, Carina, Trey& Amy, Andrew, and to others of you that wished to remain anonymous but you know who you are! To those of you that have listened in even greater detail as I have expressed so many feelings in the past twelve months and have been incredibly kind with your words and encouragement I am so grateful. Your conversations and your words have truly touched my heart. Specifically Traci, Tami, FFS, Zoey, Wes, Nate, Sarah, Stephanie, Megan, and Paul thank you. To those that Whitaker Wellness Institute that have helped me get well and for all of your incredible kindness I am forever grateful. Each one of you has truly impacted my heart. To Joanie and Carol your kindness in including this gal in your sweet friendship is something I will always be grateful for. (How will I do Vitamin C treatments without you??) To the sweet blogging world that has touched my heart I am so grateful for you. To so many people that I have not named you are such a blessing.

My doctor was right in so many ways and as I left on Friday her words resonate with me. This journey is far from over... and I am so grateful for all of you.  As I continue on this journey my heart is full with the humble knowledge that the Lord has shown Himself in so many ways... specifically through your love. Thank you so much. Truly thank you.